My vasectomy, but my doctor got screwed

On my to-do list as a newly single man was to get a long overdue vasectomy. On the big day, I decided to test my composure by declining the laughing gas and instead making conversation with the doctor.

In actuality, the most painful part of the procedure took place after it was over. For some reason, the doctor’s assistant emphatically ripped off the medical tape that was holding my johnson in place. Honestly lady, what is your problem.

During the procedure, the doctor held up for me to see a 1 cm piece of tubing he had cut off. I guess I appreciate the visual proof that my fertility factory is officially offline. Even so, there is statistically a 1 in 2000 chance that at some point the body will regrow a canal to carry sperm. Vasectomies can indeed fail after several years, unrelated to the skill of the doctor.

On the one hand, the body’s determination to procreate is philosophically a reason for optimism: Life finds a way. On the other hand, an annual sperm count check seems the way to go, even though it costs $250. With only a 99.95% chance of lifetime success, I’ll feel more at ease after a second opinion.

For small talk, I chatted up the doctor about the escalating price of health insurance. In my own case, my employer after more than 30 years adopted a high-deductible health plan for the first time. In 2026, instead of the usual $20 copay, I will be charged at each doctor’s visit for the full contracted rate — well over $100 — until my deductible is met. Warren Buffet was right: U.S. healthcare costs are a hungry parasite that will eventually devour the entire economy.

My doctor, between snips, wanted to make clear to me that physicians have been left out of this stupendous bureaucratic extravaganza. For example, his actual dollar reimbursement for vasectomies was higher in 1995 than it is today. I asked him who then is cashing in. Without hesitation, he said it’s insurance company executives and Big Pharma shareholders.

My doctor finished my procedure, tore off his gloves, and ran from the room. In spite of our intimate time together, there was no goodbye or good luck, but I didn’t take it personally. In today’s healthcare environment, patient churn is his top priority.