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International Health Emergency

An actual reader directed me to a thread at Men’s Health’s U.K. discussion board about ridiculous behavior at the gym. Sounds like stupidity at the club is something of a global epidemic. A few highlights.

Cell phone abuse:

Right fellas, I’ve been working out for 4/5 years now and I have seen a lot of funny/stupid stuff in the gym, but today’s incident takes the biscuit. I was coming out of the changing rooms and I saw a guy on his mobile phone … normal enough so far you might say. Well how about the fact that he was also on a rowing machine and rowing one handed???

… One day when one of these idiots was on the running machine and as usual on his mobile phone, he was getting rather animated and dropped his phone. Human instinct being what it is he quickly reached down to try and catch it as he did he forgot to keep moving his legs, anyway there is one almighty crash as his face hits the treadmill and he gets flung off the back and is laying in a heap at the end … bloodied nose and serious bruised ego, but he only tried to style it out, went back on the runner for about 30 sec’s, hobbling, then gave up, I laughed so hard I nearly pissed myself.

Treadmill issues:

I was on a treadmill once and the guy next to me thought he’d jam his speed up to the max … next thing I know he’s making some god almighty noises and trying desperately to stab at the controls while continuing to run. Several seconds later just when I thought this guy’s head was gonna blow off he managed to slam his hand down on the emergency stop and the sudden deceleration launched him into the mirror in front of the machine … don’t you just hate trying to cover up a major attack of hysterics?!?!

On bad form:

This one male was doing dumbell lateral raises (shoulders) with weights far too heavy. In order to raise the left one he leant to the right then, breathed in, took two massive steps left, screamed, swung them above his head, and brought them down in front of him, in an almost windmill action … my god.

General absurdity:

Oh, and there was this severely ugly guy who weighed about 120 lbs who used to go up to the mirror and lift his shirt up after every set. Who knows what he was expecting to see, huge pectoral development in the space of 3 minutes? Unlikely.

My old gym had not long opened when I joined and they insist on showing people around. There was a salesman who wanted to show off the swimming pool which you had to access through the changing room. While he was showing a group of attractive young women around he made the mistake of not telling them he would meet them around the other side of the changing rooms. So 6 teenage students followed, walking boldly through the men’s changing room while around 20 of us had just finished a circuit training session.

You gotta love the Brits – both their speaking and writing. It’s their language after all.

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