Point Of No Return

October 28, 2007

I found the following handwritten sign taped to the mirror in a corner of my gym:

When you are caught sticking the bar in the wall, you will be asked to leave and not return. MGMT

A little explanation here. The t-bar row is one of the best exercises for your back. Unfortunately, too many gyms, including this one, don’t offer this essential piece of equipment. Many lifters T-Bar
decide to create their own t-bar by lodging one end of a barbell in a corner and loading the other end with weight plates.

Granted, over time, the rubbing of the barbell against the drywall will carve up the plaster and most likely leave a giant hole. Regardless, I don’t see how a gym can refuse to spring for a real t-bar row machine and deny its members the right to build their own substitute.

In response to MGMT’s sign, I dropped the following note in the gym’s suggestion box:

When you are caught padding profits by failing to properly equip your gym, I will vote with my wallet and not return. MMBR

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Posted by Muscleman

The Sky Is Falling

September 30, 2007

This week the roof caved in at my gym. Seriously: Wet chunks of ceiling tile were splattered across the floor, and puddles splashed my shoes when I walked from one machine to the next. I decided it was time to at least explore alternatives among local gyms.

At the first gym, I saved myself a tour and lengthy sales pitch by strolling up to the large windows outside and pressing my nose to the glass. My eyes were drawn first to an empty dumbbell rack, and then to the knee-high pile of dumbbells heaped directly in front of it. I had real hopes for my next stop, a well-known national chain. Inside, however, I found equipment so old that the metal was orange with rust, and a general state of affairs not worth the extra drive.

In his bodybuilding encyclopedia, Arnold Schwarzenegger wrote about the primitive state of bodybuilding science during his prime, believing it robbed him of 10 percent of his potential. I also feel only 90 percent complete, though in my case, I’ve been handicapped by a chronic problem with gym quality.

Stuck with my current gym membership, I’m resigned to increasing the amount of elemental equipment in my gym bag.

When it comes to seated pulley rows - possibly the best back builder out there - I’ve got two choices at my gym. I can use an older machine with lousy action but a nice handle; or, I can use the new machine with great action but a handle that’s far too narrow. Of course, the gym has welded shut the link attachment on the good handle so it can’t be moved to a different machine.

In an attempt to stop the madness, I ordered this handle from a commercial gym supplier. Now I know it’s ridiculous to lug around a five pound piece of metal on back days. Nevertheless, at least I’m one step closer to reaching my full potential. Handle

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Posted by Muscleman

Are Bodybuilders Dumb?

July 22, 2007

Let’s take a look around my gym early on a Saturday morning. You have to figure that the folks showing up before 9 a.m. on the weekend take the activity seriously enough.

We’ve got one guy wearing dark sunglasses, in this windowless gym prone to power failures. Another guy, dressed in a Barney-the-dinosaur purple running suit, is doing squats with his feet spread about a football field wide. A third guy, who got me thinking about this topic, at least looks relatively normal. However, he’s got the seat on his lat row machine set so low that he pulls almost completely with his rear deltoids, not his lats.

Do bodybuilders deserve their meathead reputation? Judging from this sample: you bet. However, none of these guys will ever accomplish anything in the gym. I’d argue that ironically, the guys packing the most beef also possess the biggest brains. At a minimum, the successful bodybuilder has a command of kinesiology, anatomy, and nutrition. Depending upon what’s inside the plain packaging with the Chinese postmark, he’s probably quite knowledgeable about chemistry, too.

On the other hand, within the fitness universe, the biggest dumbbells must be the folks in charge of gym management.

You would think, for example, that I could get in a decent pull-up somewhere in my gym, with three separate pull-up stations to choose from. Well. The first pull-up station is located directly under the indoor running track, so that any pull-up ends abruptly in a collision between skull and concrete. The second station is centered almost perfectly under a long sprinkler head, eliminating the necessary overhead clearance. In the part of the gym with the lowest ceiling, you’ll find the third station. Here, as you reach the top of your pull-up, you have to ram your head through the ceiling tile, reaching peak contraction somewhere in the crawl space. I guess I should just be happy there’s no permanent injury.

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Posted by Muscleman

Noise Pollution

April 14, 2007

I worked out in a gym last week that had on display the biggest indoor sign I’d ever seen. It was more like a billboard, in 2000 point font, hanging above the dumbbell rack: DO NOT DROP WEIGHTS.

The dropping of weights, dumbbells in particular, seems to be one of the top etiquette issues at every gym. I too am offended when people let their dumbbells crash to the ground - but only because of the damage done to the dumbbells themselves.

Heavy dumbbells that smash into the floor at an angle will bend into a c-shape, upsetting the way they balance in your hands. The weights on battered dumbbells can also come loose from the handle, and sometimes even break off. (Good luck getting your gym to fix or replace that dumbbell anytime soon.)

I think that what gyms are rallying against, however, is the bone-rattling noise of falling iron. And here’s where I say: what do you expect? I’m grateful for the gyms that furnish 100+ lb dumbbells, a rare commodity in this age of express, female-targeted health clubs. But, I can also tell you that when I reach failure at the end of a set of dumbbell bench presses, I have little control over how the weights find their way to the floor. I try to ensure that the dumbbells hit flat, to avoid breaking the equipment. Beyond that, I just want to make sure that they don’t tear my arms off on the way down.

I used to work out at a gym located on the second floor of a small strip mall. I was scolded several times by management for the noise I generated performing deadlifts with a 315 lb barbell. It wasn’t the gym that cared about the noise, however, but the poor tenants on the first floor who endured the sounds of an avalanche all day long.

So here’s a note to landlords: don’t lease space to a gym above the ground floor. And gyms: don’t lease space above the ground floor if you want your members to enjoy their regular workout.

3 Comments | Back, Chest, Etiquette, Gyms | Permalink
Posted by Muscleman

Low Back Special

March 3, 2007

I cheer new techniques and machines that target the low back. In fact, I just completed a month of physical therapy for a herniated disk, the consequence of fanatical free weight workouts during my early 20’s.

One good alternative is the basic back extension machine. You sit in the machine, select the weight, and work your spinal erectors by leaning against the back pad. Sounds simple enough, right? Well, today I saw a woman raise the machine’s adjustable back pad so that it lay directly across the top of her spine. By stiffening her neck and pressing back with her head, she managed to push the machine through its normal motion.

Still, no back exercise, done correctly or otherwise, is as dangerous as the good morning. A good morning consists of standing under a heavy barbell and bending forward at the waist, all while keeping your legs straight. This movement has fallen out of favor over time, either as a result of advances in kinesiology or its contribution to long lines at sports medicine clinics. I’ve even been to a gym that crossed out the good morning image on its poster of suggested back exercises.

I occasionally notice women doing this exercise with just a Body Bar, though I imagine the risk of injury at these weights is minimal. I did recently find a serious lifter mocking a gym novice on some bodybuilding site for not knowing the difference between squats and the good mornings the serious lifter was actually performing.

Well, pal, the joke’s on you. My greatest regret as a trainer is the way I encouraged many clients to add good mornings to their workouts. Though I was only passing on the best information at the time, these folks are probably cursing me from the straps of a traction machine right now.

The deadlift, on the other hand, remains one of the sport’s best overall strength and mass builders – as long as you pay meticulous attention to proper form. Here’s what not to do:

There was a guy at my gym that worked out while his girlfriend did. He would “show off” on deadlift day for her. His idea of a deadlift was to drop to the floor at light speed, smash the plates off the floor, then bounce it up to the start position and call that a rep. He sounded like a grocery cart being pushed down the stairs.

The correct mechanical position for beginning and finishing the deadlift: head up, shoulders higher than butt, and your butt higher than knees. Also, it’s important to feel yourself pushing with your legs rather than lifting with your back. I offer no guarantees, however, only the assurance that I’m passing on the best information available today.

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Posted by Muscleman

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