February 20, 2007
I have a confession. My first ever post about the craziest thing I’d seen in the gym wasn’t entirely truthful. Don’t get me wrong: the contents of the post were completely factual – I embellish nothing in this blog. Nevertheless, I have seen one spectacle far more preposterous than anything I’ve discussed previously. I simply didn’t have the confidence to share it until now.
What I saw filled me with such stupefaction that I can preface it only by paraphrasing H. L. Mencken: This incident reminded me of colliding freight trains; it reminded me of drunken fools falling off balconies; it reminded me of rancid meat, of exploding homemade fireworks, of dogs barking idiotically through endless nights. It was so bad that a sort of grandeur crept into it.
And that was the problem. When this guy rolled a big exercise ball beside a couple heavy dumbbells, I thought his next movement must have been prescribed by a doctor or physical therapist. Why else would any sane person kneel on top of an exercise ball, fight for balance, then bring two huge dumbbells up to shoulder height and begin pressing? Perhaps there was something happening that I simply didn’t understand.
I found this exercise ludicrious from just the perspective of safety. The overloaded ball could burst. It could suddenly roll, sending a man attached to two large dumbbells flying in any direction. Even a small shift could cause an instant tear of his rotator cuff.
I planned on keeping all this secret until yesterday, when I got an email from a reader who admitted witnessing a similar incident:
Next to a group of people doing various mat exercises a guy plunks down the biggest swiss ball available, fetches two 15kg dumbbells and proceeds to *stand* on the swiss ball. He balanced himself for about 10 minutes before raising the dumbbells above his head. Needless to say not long after he got on the swiss ball a massive space around him formed. It was like the parting of the sea!
The good news is I now realize that exercise ball abuse is part of the gymsanity experience. The bad news is that gym guests are even bigger idiots than I thought.
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All Time Nuttiest | 
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Posted by Muscleman
February 20, 2007
Nick Nilsson’s Unwritten Code of the Gym:
19) Don’t wear excessive cologne or perfume in the gym. It can be very unpleasant for others who are breathing heavily.
Well, there’s the understatement of the year.
To this gem, I would add only a distiction between the cardio and the free weight areas of the gym. Once you get going on your treadmill or stair stepper, you’re trapped. You don’t have the option of moving your bench, or entire person, away from the noxious cloud. And, adding incense to injury, a cardio session by its nature consists of inhaling big gulps of air.
Now, I think we should all step back a second and appreciate that some people are acutely aware of the connection between perspiration and body odor. Still, I can’t help thinking this situation is similar to the women who arrive at the gym wearing entirely too much makeup. In my experience, the people who soak themselves in perfume the most are also the ones sweating the least.
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Etiquette | 
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Posted by Muscleman
February 18, 2007
Although a certain segment of the population goes out of its way to avoid making progress in the gym, hard gainers – or “hardgainers” (an actual fitness term of art) – find their bodybuilding dreams limited by mediocre genetics. Experts in the field estimate that somewhere between 60 and 95 percent of people are hardgainers.
These figures aren’t all that surprising. In any sport, a few elite athletes set the standard for legions of amateurs. And besides, statistically speaking, most people are average.
I, however, would like to advance a new theory. In my estimation, when it comes to building muscle, the problem is that 60 to 95 percent of people have no idea what they’re doing.
Today at the gym I watched a couple younger guys make an absolute mess of their back workout. They performed sets of t-bar rows and barbell rows with their posture nearly ramrod straight, transforming these excellent mass builders into sloppy bicep curls.
Then there are the folks who turn a simple set of abdominal crunches into a chiropractor’s nightmare. Lying on the floor, they wrap their arms tightly around their heads, and yank their chin into their upper chests over and over. I don’t know which is more remarkable – the 30, even 50, reps per set performed this way, or the ability to spend this much energy on abs without tapping even one stomach muscle fiber. Either way, I urge you people, why don’t you start by trying to execute just one clean crunch – fingers behind the ears, chin up, strong contraction in the abs. Just one.
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Abs, Back | 
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Posted by Muscleman
February 16, 2007
One of the most underrated – underhyped – benefits of weight training is the 24/7 calorie furnace created by slabs of lean muscle. Much like the basketball player who’s still 6’10” even when he’s tired, your toned physique is burning fuel when you’re on the couch watching TV, or even asleep.
Meaningful lean mass is achieved by developing the body’s largest muscles (legs, back and chest) through exercises that, naturally, hurt the most. I’m referring to the moves that make a difference: squats, deadlifts, rowing movements, various kinds of presses.
Unfortunately, folks at the gym throw away daily this round-the-clock fitness opportunity. And of course, the worst offenders are usually the people who need it most. I see flabby middle-aged women wasting their time with moves like one-arm tricep pulldowns or concentration curls. I shake my head watching paunchy guys perform isolation exercises like pec-deck flys or leg extensions. All these movements should belong exclusively to serious bodybuilders, who are looking to bring out the striations in their already-meaty legs, pecs and arms.
The most depressing part is that these folks are often exercising under the close watch of personal trainers. People with limited time and limited goals should especially be directed toward major compound movements; key exercises like rows and presses work smaller muscle groups – shoulders, arms – at the same time.
One of these days I’m going to have to step in and give a free lesson myself.
3 Comments | Arms, Back, Chest, Legs, Shoulders | Permalink
Posted by Muscleman
February 13, 2007
Hang out in the grunting area of your gym, and you’re destined to find folks using lifting belts and joint wraps to excess. I read somewhere that these guys who wrap their knees, their elbows, their wrists and then cinch a weight belt around their waists begin to resemble mummies. Bodybuilding forums debate at length whether these lifting aids improve safety, or whether they simply help stabilize the ego by increasing the amount of weight that a person can lift.
What’s more interesting to me, however, are the guys who strap on a heavy-duty lifting belt as some kind of fashion statement. I’ve seen various levels of absurdity:
Stage 1) Belt on during bench presses. Seeing as you literally lie down on your back muscles during a bench press, the only reason to wear a belt is if you plan on violently arching your back in a frantic attempt to return the barbell to its starting point. This maneuver could be considered poor form.
Stage 2) Belt on during leg presses. This use of a belt is quite peculiar since you’re sitting down with your entire upper body reclining on a thick pad. I can’t imagine how a lifting belt does anything other than chafe against your hip flexors during the movement.
Stage 3) Now we’re entering deep madness. I once saw a guy tighten his lifting belt before performing a set of seated calf raises.
Stage 4) This is where you stop and stare. There was a guy at the gym today with his lifting belt on riding the elliptical machine. Not only is the elliptical machine lower impact than plain walking, but let’s face it: if your back is in such bad shape that you need a belt to remain upright, you should probably be in bed.
I considered following this guy into the locker room to see if he wore his belt in the shower too. But hey, I’m only willing to go so far for this blog.
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Posted by Muscleman
