January 24, 2007
Although I am frequently dismayed by people’s laziness and all around carelessness in the gym (obviously: I’ve started a blog about it), I am equally impressed by how creatively they accomplish nothing.
When it comes to training legs, people generally steer clear altogether. Squat racks, leg press machines and Smith machines collect the most dust in the gym, while people congregate around equipment that works the smaller muscle groups. And why not: training legs hurts like crap! Properly training the body’s largest and strongest muscle group requires a serious commitment to intensity and concentration.
So let’s talk about a way people train legs unseriously. I’ve noticed two distinct methods people use to cheat on the leg press. The first is when the guy does his set with his arms crossed over his chest, so that he severely limits the lift’s range of motion. The second, and my favorite, is when the guy presses his hands to his knees throughout the lift. He cheats himself twice: On the eccentric (down) portion of the lift, he uses his upper body to help resist the weight of the carriage; during the concentric (up) part of the lift, he pushes like hell with his upper body to return the carriage back to its starting point.
In the extreme, this four-legged leg press becomes a veritable bench press, recruiting heavy involvement from the chest, shoulders and triceps. You might even be able to build some upper body strength this way. (I can hear my father’s snark now: “Wouldn’t this actually be a more efficient way to lift – to work all these body parts at once?!?”) Well, it may in fact be more efficient, but it certainly isn’t more effective.
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Legs | 
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Posted by Muscleman
January 22, 2007
I learned a great line out on the golf course recently. To the incredibly slow foursome ahead of us, a guy in my group yelled out “Save us some brie!” Get it? The foursome was moving at such a snail’s pace it was like they were having a picnic out on the fairway.
At the gym, I come across similar folks who plop down on a piece of equipment like it’s a leather couch at a dinner party. Today, I watched a guy take up residence on an incline Hammer Smith machine for about three-quarters of an hour. (This is not an exaggeration – there is a clock directly above the machine.) I’m sure it was quite relaxing: the back rest allows you to recline at a slight angle, the handle bars provide a great place to prop up your arms. He also received several visitors during his morning of leisure, where they considered the current issues of the day. Other than when he first sat down, this guy did not perform one set on the machine.
As I walked past the confab on my way to the locker room (I had completed my entire workout) I muttered, “Save me some Bordeaux.”
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Etiquette | 
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Posted by Muscleman
January 20, 2007
A serious pet peeve of mine is some people’s need to rest their workout gear - water bottles, towels, training logs - on top of nearby gym equipment rather than on the gym floor. Is this some form of unfathomable laziness (after pushing out a set of dumbell presses, you’re so depleted you can’t bend over to grab your water)? Or is this an irrational hygiene issue? (The floor might be dusty, but it’s not warm and sweaty.)
In either case, regarding each piece of gym equipment as an extension of your own gym locker is astonishingly self-absorbed. Stuff on a piece of equipment is, not surprisingly, the international fitness sign for “item in use.” Just because no one is currently using that incline bench doesn’t mean that someone very soon wouldn’t like to use that bench.
This equipment-as-hatrack issue has reached such crisis proportions that I have taken on the role of equipment vigilante. I have stopped pointing to junk on a machine I want to use and asking politely, “is this yours?” Rather, depending upon the size of relevant junk owner, I either gently remove the offending items or roughly sweep the stuff onto the floor. Almost always, people get the hint.
Today, I was ready to use the gym’s ab bench. An older man sitting in an adjacent machine had decided his gym bag was simply too special to leave next to him on the ground. He had looped the bag’s strap over the ab bench’s elevated footrest so that the bag dangled safely above the gym floor. I unhooked his gym bag, dropped it onto the floor, and settled into the ab bench. Looking confused, this guy scooped up his bag, walked it over to a neighboring back machine, and crammed it between two of the machine’s metal posts.
I give up.
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Etiquette | 
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Posted by Muscleman
January 19, 2007
The typical bench press spot is bad enough: some egomaniac loads his barbell with far too much weight for him to handle, forcing the poor spotter to deadlift the barbell off the lifter’s chest. What I saw yesterday, however, has to qualify as spotter’s revenge. Turned sideways, with his hip nearly touching the lifter’s head, this spotter reached out, grabbed the middle of the barbell, and proceeded to spot with one arm.
Now, the spotter’s intent was not create an incredibly dangerous situation, where he has no leverage in the event of an emergency (while also increasing the risk that his arm gets torn off). He also did not plan to cause a serious imbalance for the lifter, with his tenuous grip pulling unevenly somewhere near the bar’s mid-line. No, the spotter thought he looked like a real bad-ass, so powerful he can’t even be bothered to spot with two hands. Like I said, spotter’s revenge.
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Posted by Muscleman
January 19, 2007
I figure I’ll just get to the best right at the beginning. The second most absurd thing I have ever seen in the gym was a fellow running on the treadmill in flip-flops. This gentleman was not walking leisurely or warming up, but engaged in a full blown 30 minute run in his beach footwear.
Now #1: It’s bad enough when members bring their cellphones onto the gym floor. You’ve got the distractions of phones ringing, silly conversations (and my favorite: dude with headphones on so he doesn’t hear his own phone ringing). One guy resolved all these logistical problems by wearing his Bluetooth hands free headset onto the gym floor. The most amazing thing I have ever seen in a gym was this guy doing a set of 10-15 pull-ups while talking on the phone.
I took clarinet lessons when I was young, and my teacher held a yearly recital for all her students. One year, a saxophonist played through his entire concerto with gum in his mouth, sometimes chewing. Much like Bluetooth man, the performance was not remarkable for its quality, but for the ability to combine previously mutually exclusive activities.
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Posted by Muscleman
