Perfect Form

January 31, 2007

Over the last week, I’ve been pondering ways to increase the readership of this blog. Today, as I stared into a grocery store’s magazine rack, the idea hit me. If established fitness periodicals can use this gimmick to boost circulation, so can I. Flex magazine put on its cover a young Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I’ve often thought about why Arnold continues to inspire fitness enthusiasts nearly three decades after his retirement from professional bodybuilding. He hasn’t even appeared shirtless in a movie in any significant way since the early 1990’s.

Arnold’s main appeal can’t be his size in his prime. Professional bodybuilders these days run thicker with better definition. Mr. Olympia 2006 stands 5’9” at 275 lbs, compared to Schwarzenegger’s championship reign at 6’1”, 245 lbs. Incidentally, this is no dig at Arnold. Today’s gym equipment is better, the science of fitness is more advanced, and the … umm … performance enhancers probably give you more bang for the buck.

In my opinion, the continued fascination with Arnold results from the classic, sweeping artistry of his physique. Many of Arnold’s aesthetic gifts can, of course, be attributed to his good fortune with genetics. Take a look at his biceps. The typical bicep muscle terminates about an inch ahead of the forearm, while Arnold’s bicep fills the entire space between his front shoulder and elbow. Arnold The same principle applies to Arnold’s back. My lat muscle ties in around the middle of my rib cage. Arnold’s wings taper off virtually at his waist.Arnold

But there’s a second factor at work: Arnold was a perfectionist when it came to proper lifting form. Beyond genes, Arnold’s long, graceful lines are the result of muscles worked in a controlled fashion through a full range of motion. His superior lifting technique lengthened his muscles and engaged the largest possible number of muscle fibers.

Walk into a gym today, however, and you’ll find people performing all manner of abbreviated lifts: pull-ups that reach neither peak contraction at the top nor full extension at the bottom; overloaded squats that result in no serious bend in the knees; bicep preacher curls that stop a good 20 degrees short of straight arms. Excessive weight, laziness and all around bad habits have turned core lifts into a real live exercise in futility.

What was true in Arnold’s day remains true today. Progress is not determined by how much weight you can move, but how much weight you can move with perfect form.

8 Comments | Arms, Back | Permalink
Posted by Muscleman

But Seriously

January 29, 2007

It’s mailbag time!

Actually, I haven’t received any fan mail yet. But if I had, at least one would probably read like this:

Dear Muscleman,

This is a really terrific blog! You tell riveting tales with your spectacular writing and rapier wit. I look forward to each daybreak so I can bound out of bed and read your latest post.

I do have one comment that I hope you’ll consider. Yes, people generally approach their workouts with all the preparation and intelligence you’d expect from a small child. But people’s carelessness in the gym can also cause grievous harm to themselves or others. This is no laughing matter.

Anyway, thanks again for your enlightening and enjoyable blog.

Sincerely,

Serious in Seattle

Serious, thanks for your note! I’m always delighted to hear from my readers, irrespective of the question, comment, complaint, issue, protest or objection. You raise an excellent point which I’ll briefly address. First, you’ll notice that I sprinkle training tips throughout my posts. In fact, this entire blog is about exactly what not to do. Second, I am acutely aware that gym mishaps can lead to horrific injuries. It’s a miracle this kind of thing doesn’t happen more frequently.

In any event, since this post is all about sheathing the sarcasm for a day, I’d like to share my top 5 most outstanding things I’ve ever seen at the gym:

5) The guys who showed me how to use lifting straps properly. With the first loop, the strap goes under the bar, not your palm. Otherwise, the barbell will just slip out of your hands.

4) The guy who at about 5’9’’, 170 lbs, performed 7 clean, strong reps of bench presses with 115 lb dumbbells. Oh wait, that was me.

3) Saturday aerobics class, third row, purple crop top.

2) Most creative abdominal move ever: guy straps belt to waist, hooks belt into low cable pulley. He puts Frisbee-like plates under each foot, assumes a pull-up position, and brings knees to chest. Looks hard.

1) Basketball great Patrick Ewing walking on a treadmill. He’s taller than the machine is long.

2 Comments | Motivation | Permalink
Posted by Muscleman

Heart Attack

January 28, 2007

Given the far-reaching ignorant and even reckless use of gym equipment, I write the following with a full understanding of its magnitude: No equipment in the gym falls victim to more mistakes, blunders and downright wasted motion than the poor cardio machines.

First, a simple tip. When you ride the stationary bike, always use the pedal straps. If you start wheeling around like a three-year-old on a tricycle, you deprive yourself of 50 percent of the workout – the stress on the hamstring that comes from the upstroke.

On the treadmill, keep your hands to yourself. Every day, I see hands locked to the top of dashboards, fingers wrapped around front handles, and hands gripping side rails. When you use your arms to pull yourself along, the solid workout that comes from even a simple brisk walk gets transferred to a bunch of rubber and plastic. Remember, until Skynet goes active, we still control the machines. If you can’t survive your workout without clinging to the treadmill, lower the incline, reduce the speed.

Then there’s the StairMaster. We’ve got riders draping themselves over the machine like an oversized towel; people inverting their grip – with elbows locked out - so feet barely touch pedals; folks engrossed in books, journals and all manner of periodicals propped up at eye level while supposedly “working out”; and people cranking machines to a speed that forces them to hang onto the stepper’s front handles for dear life. Guys: head up, back straight, side rails used only for balance. I know it’s hard. That’s why it’s called … exercise.

One last thing. If you’re staring at a row of empty treadmills, don’t climb onto the one exactly next to me. Put at least one machine between me and your coughing and sweating. This same rule also applies to seating in a movie theatre.*

*Sophia Vergara exempted.

2 Comments | Cardio | Permalink
Posted by Muscleman

Sound Effects

January 27, 2007

I consider myself something of a gym connoisseur. If you count all the college gyms, Gold’s Gyms, government-owned gyms and hotel gyms I have worked out in at least once, I must have sampled at least 100 centers of fitness. And regardless of the quality of the facility, they all seem to struggle in at least one area: music.

I remember one gym where my hardcore leg workout was derailed by some shrieking rock song about ways to murder Jesus. The whole experience was so unsettling that I filed a complaint in the gym’s suggestion box. The gym posted my complaint and wrote that I should have just come to the front desk and asked them to change the station. I thought this was a surprisingly fair response. But still, I don’t want to have to interrupt my workout (leave the equipment, climb the stairs, find a manager) just to go futz with the radio.

The easy listening music pumped through some gyms is another workout killer. I mean, Barry Manilow’s very intent is to relax you, lower your stress levels and lull you to sleep. Whatever intensity and fire you brought to fuel your workout is drained just on the walk from the check-in desk to the locker room.

Painfully loud music is as big a distraction as an afternoon of love songs. The risk of hearing damage was even the topic of a Muscle and Fitness article a few years ago.

So how about just plain off? I used to think that gyms could do the most with the least amount of noise. If you need music during your workout, bring your own headset. (Many members do in fact use their own iPods anyway – why force competing music on them?) But after experiencing the silence of gyms with broken stereos, I’ve changed my tune. Gym music has the wonderful effect of drowning out the frivolous conversations taking place between personal trainer and housewife, pick-up artist and target, old college roommates, or any two people discussing flab, sweat, food, fatigue, pain, cable television or the weather.

So here’s my recipe: top-40 music, turned to medium volume. Like the sign of any good compromise, everyone will be slightly unhappy. But, I won’t feel the need to file any more complaints.

1 Comment | Gyms | Permalink
Posted by Muscleman

Halloween In January

January 25, 2007

You can tell a lot about a person’s commitment to fitness by how he or she dresses in the gym. In this case, more really is less. The more colorful, stylish and expensive the getup, the less likely you will see that person at the gym next month, or even next week.

But what to make of the guy who comes to workout dressed like he’s teeing off at Augusta National? I’m talking about the collared shirt, leather belt, slacks and shineable shoes. This is not the fellow dressed in his business casual because he forgot to pack his gym clothes. I’m referring to the guy who looks into his closet on a Sunday morning and thinks that workout gear ought to be dry cleaned.

On the female side, I’m both appreciative of and confounded by the attire that looks like it was lifted from a Picasso painting. These one piece outfits stretch over the whole body, with geometric chunks missing from the back, stomach and side of the leg. What really perplexes me, however, are the women (often the same) who come to the gym in full prom makeup. Because my understanding of the female psyche could fit inside a thimble, I decided to consult an expert.

Muscleman: Honey, what is the deal with the women wearing a ton of makeup at the gym? (Again, I’m referring to a Sunday morning, not coming from work.)

Musclewoman: Yeah, I know what you mean.

MM: But wouldn’t all the makeup start running down your face during the workout?

MW: What makes you think they break a sweat?

Right. Now I get it.

5 Comments | All Time Nuttiest | Permalink
Posted by Muscleman

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